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And if they’re not 100% yours, that means that maybe there’s a chance you are somehow not living up to their expectations and so they could find that missing percentage in someone else.
The confusing nature of dealing with retroactive jealousy is that, in your conscious mind, you don’t actually think your partner will definitely sleep with, or fall in love with someone else, but in your sub conscious mind you probably have a general fear that they could grow dissatisfied with you and so, potentially, it could happen.
* Please don't ask a survivor to forgive and forget.
First of all, there is nothing we would rather do than be able to forget.
But we can't--we have to learn how to deal with it.
The overbearing friend is constantly checking up on me, forces me to talk to her, and tries to solve my problems for me. The most powerful statement a friend can make is by simply being there, not trying to fix everything or pretending it's okay. Depending on your relationship with the survivor and the trust she has in you, she may experience a flashback or panic attack in your presence. * Inform the survivor of the importance of flashbacks. They are often seen as an indication that the person is ready to remember; that the body has information to share. Each case of abuse, although it may be similar, is a unique case.
Retroactive or retrospective jealousy is just a manifestation in the mind of its own worst fears regarding the relationship.
So, if you’re a man, what’s the worst possible thing you can imagine your girlfriend or wife doing to you? If you’re female, by the way, the worst thing you can probably imagine your guy doing is falling in love with someone else.
Intellectually, you know they’re no longer on the scene, but the reason why they appear to be a threat is because they are the people who your mind has latched on to as representations of its worst fear.
In other words, because you have discovered evidence that your partner once enjoyed sex with someone else, you’re now fearful that they may want to have sex with someone else again.